I Disappeared.

I didn’t do it intentionally. I just got sucked into a life-changing, personally rearranging, mentally draining, Pluto transit to my sun.

What I didn’t expect from my Pluto transit was the fact it would be going on long before, and after the conjunction was exact.

I suppose the biggest event actually occurred when Pluto and my sun were exact on the 21st January 2017.

But I was so wrapped up in other events that were happening, I didn’t even realise until it was pointed out to me.

In fact, there was so much drama occurring around then that I completely forgot about the Pluto transit. I was more wrapped up in the other Neptunian transits occurring for me around the same time.

My boyfriend of 10 years and I broke up that day. Obviously it was sad, but I knew for a long time things weren’t right.

I actually think I realised things weren’t right when Uranus squared my Sun (3 times in 2015 – the final and most revealing of which was on Hallowe’en).

I often regret not acting sooner and trusting myself. Knowing myself. If I had left him then, I’d have probably been in a very different situation.

But instead, I held on. And held on. And held on. Waiting.

For what?

The right moment?

Confirmation I was doing the right thing?

For him to do all the things he promised he would?

So, the 21st Jan 2017 was crunch time.

Painful, agonising, desperately devastating.

And time kept on ticking; the sun set, the moon rose, and I continued on my life journey.

And actually, as time passed, I began to heal.

It wasn’t particularly easy, but I definitely made my life easier in the process.

And for some time I wondered if I did the right thing – whether I made the right choice.

It took time, but I realised eventually quite how much I was lying to myself, and how unhappy I had been for such a long time.

I lived in fear of seeing Pluto ticking closer and closer to my sun.

I felt his searing intensity as he stationed retrograde on my sun at 17°29′ Capricorn – 6 months from being exact at 17°43′.

And that’s really when I knew I was in trouble. That’s when I knew I had to go.

But I waited. And I waited. Stuck in the fixity of my loyally committed 15°59′ Scorpio moon (also being side-swiped (sextiled) by Pluto).

Concerned with Capricorn issues like how much time I had invested, and that “things might change… he might change… we could have it all… I’ll just give him a little more time…”

All lies.

Delicious lies.

Saccharine lies.

Diabetic lies.

Poisonous lies.

But I was lying to no-one, but myself.

Pluto’s exact conjunction with my sun was the moment I decided to put myself first. 

The moment I told the truth.